Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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