I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
