What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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