just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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