Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
