If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize