spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
