i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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