Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
