Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
