its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
