You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
