New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
