I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I could fuck to npr.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
