Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
