you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
