onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize