FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
