In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
