you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize