Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
