so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
