bring money and cleavage
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
