none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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