Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
