that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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