it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no you cant smoke seaweed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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