Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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