No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
