so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
