I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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