Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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