It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No subtext here. People are naked.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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