Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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