Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
