If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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