..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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