when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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