someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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