If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
