On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
