Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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