there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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