my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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