I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize