i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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