Don't make out with my wife yet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
