So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
