Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
