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does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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