and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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