dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
