The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize