'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
