i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
