I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize