remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
