HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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