the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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