I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
