he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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