distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
