Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
