Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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