she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
