im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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