Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
