you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
