Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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