I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
