There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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