Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
