his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
