Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
