I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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