Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
