I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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