I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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