The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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