i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
