Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
