the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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