Four minutes until I can fart!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
