My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
