I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
