why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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